Quick note - the experiment was to write a poem which captured the kinetic/emotional drive of an orgasm from start to finish. [Sorry if it's less palpable than yours, "Jojo". AD, you in on this? -B.]
filia -
I'd like to place Occam's razor
in the candied apples, to cut
the fat places in my family ties,
betwixt muscle and bone, where
old wounds calcify. I'd say, 'simple
is best, Mom' and we'd smiling
slice away rock-hard grudges from
both lineage and lymph -
to begin we'd incise,
our methods precise
to the blood drop, nothing done in
errancy, photos cropped, excellent
photoshopped memories mass made
in absentia, the maudlin goes missing
from albums, only marmalade sweet
sunday snapshots make it in-
yet
if the engineering is genetic
in the discretion lies the sin.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
yo.. I'm going to separate the blog.. chickenpaprika can be EITHER an experimental whatever blog OR a wardsix kind of blog with literary digests, analysis, and general observations. Which one do you want with ChickenPaprika? Anyone can join both, one, or heck, even none.. but I'm finding the conflation between the two way too confusing for my simple brain.
now, I like the poem, BUT:
unless I misunderstood the experiment, I can't see the kinetic or emotional drive of sex or orgasm in this. the rhythm and rhyme in places is evocative, but this may just be an availability heuristic on my part, but if this is an orgasm, its a stomach twisting, sardonic, grudging one.
Which is a-okay.
There is some hyper-Bendi-distillation going on in this poem, which is cool, and the "hard rock grudges from / both lineage and lymph" is clever, badass, and really emotive. And I can see the sort of cutting bliss in the last big stanza. But the twist is so... twisting (hah). so that's the only bit I really can't reconcile.
But throwing the experiment away, I love it. I can't think of one thing to cut, really, because it is so distilled. And I love the opening two lines.
And I know I'm always too goddamned "palpable" as you say. I can be blunt. I'll work on it.
update: blog will not be seperated, after emergency meeting of AD and JP. resume normal activities.
I'm so in on this... too many poems to write at once though.. if we're doing this semi-daily Imma have to pick and choose because I've got theory to conquer and contemporary authors to expose!
Post a Comment